Asking someone to become your dominant is basically asking them to take on huge amounts of responsibility, not just for you but also for themselves!

Now obviously the person you are asking is a responsible human being or you wouldn’t be giving them this opportunity, but you are now asking them to be SO GOOD that they are worthy of your submission. This is not an easy task, you are asking them to help you and guide you when you want to go off and be ‘naughty’ but that means they need to be better then good …..  ALL THE TIME in order to be worthy.

Think about it, you think yourself a good person, you think yourself someone who tries, but now you want your DOM to be better then what you are and guide you into ….. perfection? We all know that doesn’t exist but that is what you are asking for …. ‘take me as close as I can be to perfect please Sir’.

You wonder why some might have issues or questions about what they are doing or why … I think that pretty much sums it up, don’t you?

If you are into the kinky side of D/s then your DOM is into even more confusion. You are asking them to be good, and worthy and put your needs at the forefront of everything, never let you down, never let you fall, always watch out for you …. but take you, and ‘hit’ you (consensual) and maybe even ‘force’ you (also consensual) but all the while doing the above?!?!?!

The idea of D/s is that you can be your best and worst ….. because someone has got your back. What do you have for them??? Sex and blow jobs is not enough ….. where are you when they are worried or they are down? Yes it is still your life, and you do have a responsibility in it.

I read once a long time ago someone said – I took my dog for a walk but I didn’t feel like I could lead, I didn’t feel like much of anything so I let him go. I took his collar off but he didn’t go anywhere, he stayed by my side, he waited until I was ready and he stayed …. Once I figured myself out and got myself back together I grabbed the leash and collar and put it back where it belonged and we continued our walk.

You can have me and understand me Sir – with both – Slut and Lady – then I can understand you with both too Sir – Leader and Worry ….

I love both, just as you do …

Love You Always ❤

 

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4 thoughts on “Dominance = responsibility

  1. I disagree. I don’t believe he has to be” to be SO GOOD that they are worthy of your submission”. I give my submission because it is IN me. I don’t expect him to be ‘better’ than I am. D/s is not based on fairness in the least. That isn’t to say he isn’t worthy of my submission. If he wasn’t I wouldn’t be IN this relationship. I just believe that the mindset of giving submission only to those YOU deem worthy ends up poorly. In fact it is in times when I don’t feel he is 100% that I need to dig deep and give him that submission more than ever. AGAIN I don’t mean if he is totally ‘off the rails’, abusive etc.. But if he isn’t where ‘we’ need him to be I cannot NOT give him my submission, for that then puts me in control. It puts me as his supervisor. That isn’t what I signed up for when I said I would be his submissive. Furthermore, I am not of the mindset that ” you are asking them to help you and guide you when you want to go off and be ‘naughty’ but that means they need to be better then good ….. ALL THE TIME in order to be worthy.”. My husband does not guide me. My husband augments.

    Basically I think the term worthy sets the tone for a whole lot of judgement from the submissive. I am not saying, do not have a voice. Even though we live D/s, and he is IN CHARGE, I have a responsibility to our relationship 100% of the time too. I have his back every bit as much as he has mine. It is a partnership of equal value in that regard. Whether or not on any given day I think/feel he is ‘worthy’ is irrelevant. It is not my place ( and I mean that as a wife, submissive not withstanding) to judge his worth. I did that before I said yes to marry him, and I did that prior to asking him to be my dominant.

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  2. Thank for your comment! I appreciate having the opportunity to see how others read my words … 🙂
    The point of this post was to new submissives, or those struggling, so that they could understand that dominance is a lot of hard work and that our DOMs do sometimes take a step back to access where they are, what they are doing and how they want to proceed. They put a lot of pressure on themselves just as we do ….
    We, like the dog (picked simply because it is easy for everyone to relate to) have to ‘stay’, show our submission and support even when it appears that they are not leading because as you stated we ‘have a responsibility to our relationship 100% of the time too’.
    As to worthy, well I meant that you are not submitting to an abusive, self serving person who does not have your best interest at heart, and not that we should be re-accessing their place on a regular basis …. I decided Sir was worth it 20+ years ago. One and done unless of course the relationship was to become abusive ….. which it most certainly is not.
    Unfortunately I have seen/heard of some that are in an abusive relationship and I in no way wanted to tell them to stay and follow regardless … D/s is not abuse, and if that is what you have then I think you should get out!

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    1. While I appreciate your point, and with further clarification understand where you are coming from now, I found in *my* personal experience with many women who are newer to D/s and actually many who are not so ‘new’, tend more to be in the numbers of ‘what is he doing for me?’. I cannot submit if he is not being dominant ( and often that means to them 24/7 regardless of life or wanting everything at once instead of letting things change organically and build). Not ones who are in abusive relationships. In these situations it seems to snowball among many subs about how *he* needs to step up (and most likely he probably does need to show his dominance in a way that both can regard as dominance) but the onus seems to no longer fall on the sub in those situations. That is why I commented.

      I suppose words are open to various interpretations when they are not specifically written within the context of the writers personal relationship experience.

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