Rules and Rituals overload ….

No not for me or my relationship but I have been giving some thought to the way some people in TTWD are trying to/or have organized their daily lives, and how I think I would feel about it.

I see a D/s relationship in much the same light as any other relationship that we human beings share. Anything over time tends to becomes second nature, usual, less exciting and dare I say it …. sometimes boring?

Most of us, especially those of us who started down this journey as an after thought to our relationship or marriage were looking to spice things up, make it fresh and new again, add some excitement. Maybe we wanted to change the balance of our dynamic for one reason or another we felt that dominant/submissive in our relationship was what we wanted and how we wanted to feel.

Most often I hear of submisives wanting rules and lists and rituals to feel the dominant presence and to know the dynamic is intact and working. That’s fair enough, and it works for a while …. but then the nervous excitement wains. You are left with a bunch of rules and rituals that might start to feel basic and unnecessary or over the top and more of a burden then a grateful act done in love and respect. I guess this is what they mean when they say ‘our D/s is on the back burner’ or ‘life has gotten in the way’.

I think keeping the core rules and rituals simple and meaningful is the key. By doing things that actually mean something to you and your dominant the feeling of ‘right’ is always with you. By keeping things simple it allows for your D/s to exist no matter what life throws at you and for many windows of opportunity for new and exciting things to happen and to keep you on your toes!

In my own life for example I have a few set expectations and rules that I follow, that Sir has decided are important and needed for us both to be where we are most comfortable. There are not many but they all mean something important and any one of them would signal a big problem if for whatever reason they were not done. These things don’t ever go ‘on the back burner’ or ‘on hold until we can start our D/s again’.

By only having the important things set out as rules however it does leave a lot of room for changes and surprises to happen through the days and weeks and more importantly over time ….. things don’t get to feel like the same ole same ole because I never quite know what’s going to happen next! We have our limits that were discussed and agreed to so basically everything within that play ground could be called upon at any time! Talk about always on the edge of your seat ….!  lol 😀

I realize that some people prefer to have things set out and ritualized and scheduled from morning to night. Some people are very comfortable knowing exactly what is going to happen next and how, now and forever amen. There is nothing wrong with that and I think if it makes you happy then by all means do it!

For me however, I am easily bored with the same thing over and over. My mind normally works on a subject until I ‘solve it’ and then I’m ready for the next puzzle, the next new learning experience. I dissect the actions of everyday life and figure out what it is that makes it important or worthy of being done. Doing the same thing day in and day out just because is simply not for me. I need more meaning then that, I find comfort in growing and expanding my horizons not in familiar rituals. (Unless like I said earlier they are important to your core being.) I want to be surprised, I want to be off balance and I want to be nervously excited about what my dominant might ask for next …. I don’t want to know in advance. I want to forever keep it fresh ….

As long as the dominant keeps doing something or asking for something that keeps the power exchange on the forefront of your mind then this method keeps things exciting and new. Everything is within the agreed upon limits of course but not knowing exactly what or when He might want something from me next keeps me both mindful when it happens and excited to see what’s next.

Just my thoughts on what it looks like 10 years in ….. or 20 years. We all started off excited and into each other when we got married and then things eventually started to be the same everyday. What happened next? There is no reason to believe this dynamic is immune to human nature. So I like it this way, always an element of surprise and never exactly what I was expecting …. fresh! 🙂

It is called a dynamic after all – not a static! LOL

Love You Sir Always ❤




2 thoughts on “Rules and Rituals overload ….

  1. Yes, we do not have rules either. I suppose it must work for some old school TPE folks, but ours is more a relationship which seems to be like yours, built on mutual respect honesty trust and love. When Sir wants or needs me I am always always there for him and He for me. Even if I do get sassy! I abide with His desires first and foremost and always have, almost always putting what I want last because I like it that way! I even always ask what he prefers for dinner. That’s just how I do things – I think it’s nicer and polite. Our society has degenerated in such a way that most people are horridly rude to one another on the road, in shops, and in general day-to-day life. It makes me weary and sick of life oftentimes. Which is why I love being polite and courteous wherever I can. Manners mean so much!


    1. Manners are definitely important and unfortunately often sorely lacking …
      We need our relationship to feel authentic and real, not scripted and this is what we have found works for us. Neither of us wanted to feel like we had lost our authentic selves just because we chose to live this way. It compliments us, it doesn’t smother us out!


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