The BDSM helps with the physical pain, that’s a no brainer! The endorphins that get released into your system act as a natural pain killer. The harder you play, the more you get and the longer it lasts …. easy enough to understand.

When it comes to emotional pain however I’m afraid the effect is fleeting at best and not dealing with but instead hiding from the emotional baggage that is bringing you down.


BSDM helps me deal with emotional pain in the manner that it calms me and relaxes me but that is simply in preparation for dealing with the crap the world throws at me, not instead of dealing with it.

Instead of writing a book today I will skip to the end and say that most mental and emotional stress is self imposed and can only truly be dealt with by yourself. It normally takes the form of self acceptance, forgiveness and the idea that even though we are not perfect we are worth saving and we do deserve to be happy.

No one can make that decision but you and no one can take it away but you.

I decided long ago that in order to achieve this state in my own life I needed to be the best I could with what I knew, and what I had at any given moment. I had to accept that I am not perfect and I will make mistakes but everything I do is with an open heart and a clear conscience.

 I hold myself responsible for my own actions and will make emends when I mess up but I will not hold myself responsible for the words or actions of others. I do not control the world, only myself and my reaction to it.


Like my brother so eloquently put it Life is like a game of chess, being upset because the pieces moved the way they always move is ridiculous. If you walk up to the board you should know what to expect, it’s your choice whether or not you play!

Most of us put ourselves into the same trauma and the same situation over and over and can’t figure out why we feel so bad. Or we push our feeling and thoughts deep deep down and think that means it is gone … well it is not.

Even without the masochism, I think a huge part of the allure of submission is the quest for self acceptance and peace. Unfortunately no matter how good your dominant it will never happen if you don’t first allow it for yourself.

Image result for self acceptance

It a nut shell I try to be my best always, I accept that I am not perfect but I try even when it’s not convenient or in MY best interest to do the right thing, I can look at myself in the mirror and I can sleep with a clear conscience. If something I’ve done gets in the way of that I pull up my big girl panties and fix it, and if it’s something someone else has done then I accept that they are not perfect either.

The End 🙂

Love You Sir, Always ❤


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