Submission is earned through trust and respect, through patience and through care. If you are more interested in the what wasn’t done instead of the why you are likely going to be in for a very long and painful ride.
No strong opinionated woman will ever kneel for you simply because ‘it is written’. If you are trying to force your dominance onto someone it is very likely that you DO NOT have their submission.
If you are more interested in your own ego, in your own opinion and in your saving face than in the why the disrespect happened in the first place then you are likely too self absorbed to see the truth.
Yes there is a way things are to be done, and an appropriate course of action for a dominant/submissive relationship to run but if you are constantly fighting the same fight then you haven’t yet figured out your dynamic and you haven’t yet figured out your submissive.
You need to figure out the ground work and foundation before the contract has any sort of meaning what so ever. Best of Luck!
(Sometimes my Warrior spirit is much more obvious 😉 )
The sex is hot that is for sure, the control you have is calming, the BDSM is stress relief but the best part of this for me is that I can count on you!
At the core of what makes me happy with all the kink and ritual aside is the fact that I can count on you to be there for me no matter what!
When I am sad you will be there – when I am happy you will be there – when I am angry you will be there – when I am frustrated or confused you will be there – no matter what you will be there.
When you are angry you will be there – when you are frustrated you will be there – when you are tired or just not in the mood you will still be there – no matter what you will be there.
Whenever I need you you will be there! I have no reason not to do things for you, I have no reason to ask why should I ….. I trust you completely, you have always been there!
No matter how deep, no matter how dark, no matter how naughty – you will always have me, hold me and care for me. You have accepted me completely even if I misbehave. You want me to be my best and you strive to be your best. Complete and total acceptance – that’s why I don’t hide from you and that’s why I can kneel naked at your feet!
Love You Always Sir ❤
I have realized that I left this post very much one sided and that there is another very important aspect to be discussed.
One of the reasons we submissives need our dominants is that we don’t always do things the right way or know the right way when emotions are high and stresses are making us come undone. As much as we have a responsibility to think about and figure out our own minds so too do our dominants have a responsibility to call us on it and demand to be listened to and communicated with.
Just as dominants are not perfect so too are we fallible and imperfect. If we falter or forget then it should fall to the dominant to call a ‘time out’ and discuss and figure out the issues and solutions. If the dominant instead starts pacing, or grumbling or reacting instead of acting then neither side is fulfilling the responsibilities of the dynamic and it will surely falter.
BOTH sides need to be responsible and both need to be willing to take on a little extra when the other side is in need, for whatever the reason. YES the submissive is responsible for their own actions and for calling a ‘time out’ when needed but the dominant is also responsible for stepping up when His/Her submissive needs them most.
I recently read a post that made me want to write this out …. I hope it helps!
If you are not feeling very submissive, if you are not able to follow through with your agreed upon actions, if you are not able to be respectful and polite in your speech, I have a question … Why are your needs not being met?
Assuming again that you have agreed to this lifestyle freely and your dominant is worthy, why are your needs not met? The resentment, the battle for control, the sass … none of it happens if you are happy and content with your role, with your life, so what’s missing? If your dominant truly is fit for the task then chances are you are NOT giving Him/Her the information they need in order to see to your needs and keep you healthy body and mind.
I have learned through time and experience that most of us have a very hard time being truly honest with ourselves, and with our partners. My instincts tell me that either you have not freely and honestly given your dominant all the information you hold, all the truth you need in order for a proper D/s relationship to feed both partners; or you have not given yourself the truth of what you need and therefor couldn’t pass the information along.
My suggestion is some soul searching and some brutal honesty, first with yourself and then with your dominant. And regardless of what type of relationship you are in or what side of the dynamic you fall on, there is never a time that rudeness is appropriate.
If you are still walking around with a chip on your shoulder and something to prove then your dynamic is not working very well. If He is pulling His weight then what is it that you haven’t given? There is a missing piece to this puzzle and it likely lies with you.
If ever I feel like something feels ‘faked’ I inform my Sir that I don’t feel quite right, we communicate together and get to the root of the issue and then we take steps to correct it. Nothing about my relationship ever feels fake but it takes a lot of honesty and truth on MY part in order for that to be the case.
Good Luck All!
I know that the book said it was done this way …. I know some think this is acceptable, but in my opinion it is a terrible idea!
For starters in order for a correction to be effective it should fit the crime and be useful in learning something. Secondly the human psyche is not made to function properly in this manner, it is not mentally healthy.
It’s either going to be processed as a hot kinky action because He is being dominant and in charge and you’re actually getting off on the idea of not being allowed to get off, OR it will be processed as a truly abusive action that violates you and your body. Neither of those are good outcomes if your intent is to learn and forgive and forget.
You may be able to kink it up for a while and think that it is okay for a while but if you truly want to work on a meaningful D/s relationship sex should never be used as punishment. Sooner or later when you are not feeling quite so kinky and He decides to punish you with sex you will feel taken advantage of and in worst case scenario even like you’ve been raped! You will learn to resent sex with your dominant and you will be worse off then before you started this journey ….
There is a reason it was written into the book, because it was viewed as a kinky turn on. You will either view it the same way, and really not be getting any sort of correction, or you will view it the other way …. and I can’t imagine that to be healthy for any relationship.
Another rose ….
Love You Sir ❤
Sometimes I don’t know where the D/s starts and stops and where we were and are …. some things that were always me and are now easier for me to show seem to be so much more joyous for you now.
I haven’t changed how I feel but I have noticed more of how you do … If these small gestures make you happy and more confident and happy with me being me, then I will do them to the ends of time.
The smallest things really do make the biggest difference Sir. I love you!
nijntje is ….
be polite, be respectful, be truthful but kind. Be a Lady ….
use your strengths and respect your weaknesses …
be strong and be honourable
take care of your self, and dress the part. Be a Lady …
don’t let others dictate your mood, strive to be pleasing always
there is no point in whining, no one will listen anyway
show courage when facing your fears …. ask for help when you need it
use your manners, always. Be a Lady ….
walk with poise and dignity, hold your head up high
don’t belittle people, it doesn’t look good on you ….
be optimistic and cheerful, even when you don’t much feel like it
be that person He wants to be with. Be HIS Lady ….
Love You Sir ❤
❤ And this is some of why I kneel for you Sir ❤
One major change for you I think is that you listen to me, without jumping to conclusions or disregarding my thoughts and wishes. Perhaps there was a lot of ‘nodding and smiling’ going on? LOL
Sounds like the opposite of what people would think D/s is I suppose, but the reality is that you no longer feel you need to fight me for control so you take the time to listen to what I have to say!
I’m not sure if fight me for control is exactly the right way to put it, we never did fight or argue about it, but I do feel that you didn’t think you had much of it. You’ve never been insecure so you didn’t feel the need to push for it but you did just ‘walk away’ from most of what I was doing and in charge of. I felt very much on my own raising the kids and taking care of life even though you were right here beside me the whole time.
I’m not implying that you didn’t do your share, you ran children here and there, took days off for school trips that I couldn’t make, helped with the house and any other general things that needed to be done, but the big decisions were all on me. ALL the responsibility was on me ….
I was happy to take it until you started to resent it. I’m not sure you knew that at the time but I’m pretty confident that is exactly what happened. I have full confidence in you Sir, if you want the responsibility you are more then welcome to it. I can’t tell you how positively delightful it is to have you taking care of me! 😀
Welcome back Sir …. 😀 I Love You! ❤
Some rituals are simple but they can have the greatest effect.
Everyday I am good and pleasing to Sir He marks a check on the calendar. I have not missed one check yet this year ….
Every morning I check for the mark, and every morning I know He is happy. It warms my heart and makes me smile. Makes me want to keep trying to please Him ….
Love You Sir ❤
(Last one I missed was the beginning of August last year 😛 )