I really do need to write some more on menopause and D/s, or at least the play aspect of D/s. Some of the physical issues really do affect what and how things are to be done/can reasonably be done. Not everyone is going to have the same symptoms but I can share what mine have been so far and what I have had to learn in order to better deal with them.
Most of my issue really has been the mental aspects of dealing with the physical issues. Let me start by saying I am a bit of a perfectionist and once I decide I am going to follow through with something I REALLY have a difficult time accepting any sort of failure, even if the failure is just in my mind. As part of the ‘warrior’ mentality I do not test, I am not a brat and I would sooner call the whole thing off then play these sort of disrespectful ‘games’. So when I can’t follow through with whatever ritual or schedule because my body has betrayed me I feel guilty and miserable, so I had some self acceptance to learn …..
I was only 36 when my symptoms started to appear and have been dealing with things on and off for about 8 years now! Thank goodness we should be almost done! One of the hardest to deal with is that old injuries seem to come creeping back to life. Things that I thought were fixed and forgotten have decided to show themselves once again and ALL show up at once! Unfortunately I have had more then my share of injuries.
So to put it into perspective, we have a set play time/scene time where some preparations are to be done and then fun is to be had! Woohoo! Except that my back hurts so bad that I literally can not stand straight, my knee aches so that kneeling or any sort of pressure feels like torture and due to an unfortunate chiropractor accident years ago my hip is on fire! So how exactly do I shower and dress and hang prettily from anywhere putting all my focus on Sir? Take a bunch of pain medication? Well that deadens the sensations for everything else too and frankly the amount I need would simply not be safe.
So I need to come to Him and tell Him what is going on and of course He decides not to play, at least not like that which of course is what He should do but I feel defeated! I feel frustrated obviously because I was looking forward to our time, I feel guilty because it is my fault He can’t have what is rightly His, and I feel like I’m letting Him down. And these things normally last for weeks or months at a time before they move on to the next issue that is here to plague you. Needless to say scheduling scenes is not so much part of our dynamic at this time, I can not be sure how I am going to feel and not being able to follow through just kills me emotionally. Our world relies more on taking advantage of the good days whenever they appear and not so much on the notes building up to a set time or scene. I have learned to roll with the punches and enjoy however far we CAN go at any certain time instead of what didn’t happen today!
The menstrual cycle is the same uncertain surprise issue. I never know what is going to happen and when. There is no more every 4 weeks, there is whenever it feels like it! Sometimes just for a few hours, sometimes just to make a mess of the sheets while we play. It is always a surprise and all the regular PMS issues go along with it for however long it has decided to stay this time. (Let’s just say I never go anywhere without protection handy, just in case). So try planning around that ….. right!
There are many more issues, breast tenderness, migraines, loss of sleep, all things that make certain instances of play feel completely different then they do on good days. Most days I can bend around like a pretzel and some days I can barely tie my own shoes. Some days we can play much harder and some days it is more mid range and yet others is just simply not possible at all. Sir might still plan things out but they are more opportunity based then a set time and place which means I do not have a schedule and I do not have all the guilt of not following through for Him.
Please don’t misunderstand me, Sir has never once made me feel guilty for any of this, it is me, it is self imposed, I told you I am a perfectionist. I also hate not being able to control my own body but it was something I had to learn to deal with. The drastic change from one day to the next is really something to try and wrap your mind around but I have found that if I can just ‘roll with the punches’ we are both very much happier.
And you thought trying to plan dinner was hard humm, ….? LOL
Love You Sir Always ❤