What is submission? To me ….

Is it a gift? Well yes but maybe not as you would think. It is part of a gift, a gift to oneself. It is part of a way of being, a certain way of living and really requires nothing more then oneself. It is a way of looking at the world around you and within yourself for the true happiness that can be had in life. It is not about a Dominant, it is not weak or needy and it is not a gift to your Dominant.

Behaving respectfully towards someone should not be a gift, it should be a given. Being kind and honest, living with patience and tolerance of others should not be a gift, it should be a given. Not being selfish or immature, not feeling like the world is owed to you and your way is the only way, that is not a gift to others it should be a given. Live and let live without judgement or cruelty should not be viewed as a gift, it should be a given …..

Kinky sex is just that, kinky sex. If it is a gift then it is for both of you.

Submission to a Dominant means responsibility and maybe reward but certainly not a gift. Submission is earned after all not gifted upon someone. Having a submissive means being responsible for someone’s well being, for their growth, for their protection, their peace of mind and their heart. Having a submissive means having to be patient, to be tolerant, to be secure and always mindful.

Submission is earned in every way and will not last if the recipient is not worthy, Dominance on the other hand is a gift. It is guidance and acceptance, it is learning and growing for the needs and care of another.

My submission may be special and humbling to my Sir, it may be cherished and even coveted but it is not a gift and I don’t feel I’m doing Him any great favour. His dominance over me is the gift, and He is the one doing me a favour!

Love You Always Sir ~ and Thank You! ❤

 

 

Missing you today …

I’m missing

  • being curled up in your lap and having your fingers through my hair
  • waiting patiently at your feet without a though in my head and waiting for you to touch me
  • your hands rubbing up and down my arms as you stand behind me and tell me how pleased you are
  • your hands tracing my curves as you casually walk around my body
  • your breath on my skin
  • your stare as you take me in from top to bottom
  • the feel of your collar on my neck
  • the feel of your hand around my throat
  • your strength as you pull my hair and make me yours once more
  • your protection as you hold me tight and keep me warm

My body aches, I’m feeling down today … I need you to pick me up, please Sir.

Love You Always ❤

 

Sorry Sir but …. no.

So I don’t think it’s fair to write about all these wonderful, happy very fulfilling times and not write about the times where there are hiccups along the road. I am very happy with my life and with my Sir but to think that we are both just fantastically wonderful people who never have issues and never make mistakes would be pretty unrealistic.

So, even though I don’t write about sex I will say that the other night we did experience some miscommunication in expectation which lead to a brief but important stop to play. Sometimes (maybe more then I would like) Sir does forget to inform me of His hopes or desires for the evenings plans. Since I tend to think and think and then think some more this will often leave me unsure of how I am to proceed.

Is the evening for my pleasure, is it for His? Is it perhaps for both of our pleasure and you would like me to verbalize? I don’t know, these are all things that go through my head at lightening speed and I really need your instructions in order to set them free …. Sir is human after all and just like the rest of us sometimes things just run away on Him too. So we stopped, had a good but quick conversation on the importance of His communicating with me, and communicating change of plans also so that I might regroup and follow suit! Wonderful! 😀

Then this evening Sir changes plans again without a word, no communication. This plan is something we have agreed to and something we do as a reaffirmation of place when He gets home from work and I get finished work (I work from home which makes the ritual that much more important). The ritual helps me to know that He is still invested in this dynamic and that I can still come to Him and bring Him my worries and troubles, that I can still count on Him. But He did not give me instructions, He did not follow through and then He gave me my evening collar without word or ceremony. I was confused and a bit off put and it must have shown on my face.

I dutifully followed Him to the car because we were on our way out and finally He did speak up and ask what’s wrong nijntje? I had a choice to make … I wasn’t rude and I wasn’t upset but I did tell him that He was not following through with what He had said and that I was confused and uncomfortable. Finally He said that He knew it was missing and that I did already have my evening collar (likely because He likes it on me if I am out of the house) but He had fully intended on doing it when we got back. Fair enough …

I then stuck up for myself and said that I understand that Sir but after our conversation about you communicating your wants and changes and how I feel when I have no instructions you didn’t follow through with your responsibility to me …. so I don’t think you get to finish the ritual tonight because you messed up and therefor you also should have a consequence.

After some thinking He agreed. If I mess up I lose a privilege, so too does he if He messes up. So there you have it, nothing too dramatic, nothing too crazy …. but it does happen to us once in a while. We communicate about it openly and honestly and we fix it quickly.

I know, not the stuff that high drama and many views are made of but it works for us and it keeps us happy. I’m not in it for the ‘likes’ but I hope it does help anyone out there who is reading.

Love You Always Sir ❤  (but still no)

Suspended thought ….

I had the most wonderful evening with you Sir, thank you so much for guiding me through. I was lost in the feeling of being yours. There were no other thoughts in my head, no ideas of more or less or anything … just floating in suspended animation.

I felt like time was standing still and my mind was completely quiet, nothing but the feeling of you, your hands, your wants …. very completely consumed by you!

Love You Always ❤

Skin Care – Paddle Rash Update!

Well It has been a couple weeks now since I started with the skin care routine of moisturizing twice daily with a vitamin E lotion. I’m glad to say that the skin issues have all cleared up and my skin is softer then I can ever remember without feeling overly ‘greasy’ or heavy with lotion.

After about a week of maintenance we were already able to play pretty roughly without any sort or skin repercussions. I did also use the Arnica gel in order to ward off any bruising and left it to dry for just a short time and then applied the vitamin E over top with no adverse effects! If anyone is going to have a skin reaction it will likely be me … lol

I do use a wash cloth or loofah sponge in the shower in the areas that are more heavily worked after we play just to keep the area ready to absorb the lotion. It seems to be working well so far but not a lot of pressure is required so do take care! You are not trying to remove all your skin!

Not having itchy dry winter skin everywhere else is also a plus and I certainly can’t complain about the baby soft feel!

What makes me feel good about myself …. wanted and worthy.

That look in your eyes …

  • putting on a pretty flared dress (and I was never girlie, but the shape is really flattering)
  • when I catch your eyes following me across the room….
  • when you tell me you want to take me out to ‘show me off’   😀
  • when I catch someone trying to talk to me but they are looking ‘down’ (not that I don’t have other intelligent qualities but hey! I want to be desirable sexually too)
  • when you forget what you were going to say … because of me
  • when you say I’m the most optimistic person you know
  • when you talk about how I help people and make them better or more comfortable
  • when you think I’m the most generous person you know
  • when you say I make you better …

That look in your eyes ….

Love You Always! ❤

Another Happy Monday!

It’s the start to another Monday morning and I’m feeling fantastic! Every time you take me and care for me the way I need my days and weeks are just wonderful.

My mind is clear and my spirits are high, I really can’t think of anything to bring me down. Even dealing with teens and getting them off to school seems like a breeze (and for anyone who has them you know it’s not always so)!

I might be starting to sound like a broken record but Thank You again for such a wonderful weekend (and week and life)! Your the best thing in my life and I don’t want you to ever doubt it. No matter how crazy or unusual my ideas might get I can always count on you to guide me through. You always know best, and I love you!

Yours Always Sir ❤

 

What and why punishments?

The word punishment is widely used in the D/s community but I prefer to think if it as a correction and then forgiveness. It is meant to be a learning and forgiveness tool and not just a punishment. The idea behind this part of the dynamic is that you both learn and grow from the action, not humiliation or retribution.

I found that the idea of punishment was actually much more appealing to me then to Sir at the beginning. Not because I wanted to be in trouble but because I really wanted to feel like He was holding me accountable and because I wanted Him to see that I truly was sorry for whatever I had done and that I really wanted to be my best for Him. I also wanted it to be a way of knowing for sure that He saw this himself and truly was able to see my remorse and give me His forgiveness.

Notice a pattern? I was the one much more interested and invested in the idea, not Him. I knew that my mind would keep me full of guilt especially after I had given my word to follow and obey and then turned around and did something so foolish or just plain rude. In the beginning I needed the correction much more then He did.
It was important for me/us that I took this idea and all the embarrassment and self consciousness that comes with it and explained it to Him point blank.

One of the misconceptions that Sir had was that a correction had to be really harsh, or even physical for that matter. In our view it does not. He is not interested in bruising me from top to bottom or making me cry uncontrollably from the physical pain He is inflicting, that is NOT our style. As a submissive I can assure you that the idea of having disappointed or hurting Him is much more painful then anything He uses as a correction. A correction should be poignant and unpleasant but you decide just what that means to you and your Sir, no one else.

Once we had discussed all of this and decided on an appropriate correction(s) for us I’m sure it was still fueled by my need in the beginning. The first couple of times were likely not something He would have done if I hadn’t brought it up in the first place but it is now the first place we both run to in order to correct and forgive and start fresh. No guilt and no torment from the past, only a fresh new start and with both of us feeling relieved and settled back into our lives. None of it however would be happening if I hadn’t been honest and opened up about my need in the first place, it is now OUR need but it did start off as mine…..

 

Love You Always Sir ❤

 

Yours

That moment when He claims you … ❤

Why is it that to be a good friend you listen attentively, speak respectfully and go out of your way to be generous and patient. Everyone thinks it makes you a good friend and the actions and ideas are coveted. You put effort and time into your friendship and you might even go out of your way to please them, that makes you awesome!

Change out the word friend for spouse and all of a sudden ‘you are foolish? You are trying too hard and they should be able to fend for themselves … you are better then that and why do you let yourself get taken advantage of so? You don’t have to listen to them …. why do you bother?’

The entire idea sounds ridiculous to me. If I put that much time and effort into someone I am friends with and sometimes just acquaintances why wouldn’t I put at least that much time into someone I have chosen to share my life with? If people I barely know are worth being on my best behaviour for, wouldn’t you be worth more?

I’m not doing too much for my husband, you’re not doing enough for yours! 😛

Love You Always Sir ❤

(I don’t actually have anyone in my life that would think that, everyone knows Sir and I have a very happy marriage and we work well together. This has been a topic I have seen or heard of from time to time and felt I needed to add my two cents in order to get it out of my head!)