Remembering my place in this partnership.

Today I start again.

I’ve been spending a lot of time over the past year trying to encourage your dominance and allowing you to lead. I’ve been trying not to take over or influence your decisions but instead trying to build you up and hopefully grow your confidence. Eventually I started doing this by holding back my thoughts and waiting for you to do it yourself, without my help. But it’s impossible isn’t it?

I can’t encourage your dominance over me if I don’t speak up for what I desire. I need to be strong and relay to you what I need in order for you to be sure enough in your understanding of me to feel you can take on the responsibility and lead.

We are bound together you and I. The balance of the dynamic depends on the power from both sides being equal although different. In order for you to be sure in your dominance I need to be strong in my submission. Not by being quiet and blending but by growing bigger and blossoming!

Of course I’m going to have influence over you if your objective is to take care of me …. for if not for me, then for whom are you ultimately taking on this responsibility? I need to be strong, I need to speak up, tell you what I want and need all before you can even start to lead. Only then can I wait respectfully for your guidance and leadership.

I am fed by your strength  …… and you are fed by mine.

Love You Always Sir!   ❤

 

 

 

The Fairy Tale strikes again!

The fairy tale story in your mind can be hard to escape I guess. Even with all the tools and information it is easy to slip back to the vanilla way of thinking/expecting that it will all work out. Perhaps the better things get and the more smoothly things run the more we start to rely on the story in our mind to come to fruition, on it’s own.

I’ve done a lot of blogging in the last couple weeks letting you know what I needed and why and how but I don’t believe I actually said “I mean I am in need now Sir“. Guess I was thinking that writing it down and letting you know that it was on my mind would lead you to wonder or ask why it was on my mind. Or better yet, you would be the dominant in the book that knows exactly what his submissive is thinking with all the little subtleties and provides exactly what the submissive needs without any further developments ….

Well it doesn’t work that way, as we know but we seemed to go down that road anyway didn’t we? So deep breath, fresh start and back at it …. I will try to remember when I am feeling needy of something to spell it out to you point blank. I might not know exactly when I start to need it but if I find myself dwelling on these subjects I will try to notice sooner and let you know sooner. Likewise Sir I feel it would be helpful if you started to communicate more about what you have read and perhaps ask the questions yourself as to why I felt like writing about it at this time.

I also need to remember that asking you is not leading or putting you out. It is only giving you all the information you need and have asked for in order to better lead me. I need to trust that you meant what you said about wanting this dynamic and all the things we have decided that work for us. I will trust that if you have changed your mind you will be sure to inform me of your decision. Until then I will continue to give you the information when I am needing something that we have agreed to and rely on you to provide if and when you see fit. I will tell you what you need to know without worry or embarrassment and you will listen and lead.

 

~When you take me I am home~

~When you question yourself I am lost~

~Please keep taking what is already yours Sir~

 

Expectations I have of my Dominant

As we mature into our roles I think that the expectations from a dominant/my dominant have changed some or at least been refined along the way. The very beginning was centered on a lot of expectations that had kinky origins or a ritualistic feel. Like everyone else I had read some books and talked to people or read web sites that had very specific ideas of rules and rituals that had to be followed in order to ‘be D/s”.

Little did I realize then that the ideas they were proclaiming were going to end up feeling very false or pretend. Once I realized that this was something much more important and much more meaningful then just kinky sex I was able to put things into their proper order in the priority list, for me anyway.

The things that make me the happiest now about you being my dominant are much different then planning scenes and writing out rules and rituals to be followed or else … but then again when I asked you for this lifestyle it was to show you my gratitude and my love; and for all you had done for me already. I wasn’t hoping to rekindle any spark and I wasn’t really trying to fix a broken marriage. It was never broken, but it has certainly been enhanced.

The biggest, best, most important, most fundamental change/rule/realization that this dynamic has brought about is the idea that neither of us has the right to withhold information from the other or jump to conclusions about anything that has been brought up in conversation. Nothing is taken for granted and everything is out in the open to be discussed and resolved.

This alone allows you to take responsibility for fixing issues or helping me resolve whatever is happening. This makes it so that you are paying attention to me, you are sharing with me and you are being honest and invested in us! And it is obvious to me, so I don’t feel ignored, neglected, taken for granted or not listened too! And it works equally well for you in all the same areas just other side of the coin.

Having you to look to and count on is so much more then kinky sex and playing dress up. The rituals alone may start some sort of thinking or feeling deep down in your dominant self but the idea that they are the be all and end all of such a fantastic opportunity is frankly sad. Likewise looking for the peace and enlightenment of submission simply by doing tasks, following orders and being tossed about in bed is just a shadow of what you can truly achieve.

Still struggling to feel submission in all the tasks and rituals and wondering what it is that you are missing? Make yourself and open book to your dominant and expect the same from Him to you. Everything else will simply fall into place …..

Love You Always ❤

 

Change of Plans

You know it’s funny I swear that for a while now every time we go to do something BDSM or D/s ritual related lately something happens or someone shows up that changes the plan. Essentially it makes what would have been a really fantastic time go by the way side… Why is it then that I am not at all upset or emotionally charged? (Unless you count horny for you! lol)

I guess it’s because of the fact that we do communicate so well and because you do show me how you are feeling. The fact that you are just as disappointed as I am seems to make it okay. I would still rather have played, don’t get me wrong, and I am definitely eagerly awaiting such a time that we can play again without interruption or being cut short! It just feels like we have  a secret that no one else knows about and we have a secret rendezvous to look forward to and although it can still be frustrating it is a shared frustration ….

Are They Gone Yet Sir? 

Playing and being yours is certainly a pleasure but I guess that there is certainly something to be said for the anticipation also. Especially when it is shared anticipation in our secret club house of frustrated quick dressing and shared looks of dismay!  lol  🙂

I Love YOU Sir! ❤

 

Secrets Revealed

I think the secret to a happy life is honest communication and trust. I’m sure most people would agree that these are two very important aspects and most people would also argue that they are in fact practicing that style of living. I have however noticed that when faced with basic question about why they are unhappy most end up relaying some sort of issue that either has not been discussed or they don’t trust will really be taken care of properly if they do talk about it.

Assuming of course that the party in question is worthy of your time and attention then I would also assume that they would not willingly want to hurt or upset you. Not telling them what you really think is not saving anyone’s feelings if in the end you are going to be upset or unhappy about it. It only serves to aggravate the issue in my experience. You need to be honest about your wants and needs if you want any chance of the other person meeting those for you. They can not read your mind and having that expectation is unfair. (I know you’re going to say you don’t but if you are not honestly communicating but some how expect that it will get fixed then you really do.)

Trusting that they do in fact want what’s best for you, both of you, is the next big obstacle. You need to put thoughts that they are too busy or too tired out of your mind and trust them to take the information in stride. Trust them to communicate back to you if they need some time, or just some rest before tackling whatever issue it is that requires their attention. If you are making those decisions for them then you are not truly trusting them to do it themselves.

What if they get upset, or what if you’re the one who is upset and you don’t want to rock the boat? Well would you rather deal with the issue and get over it or would you rather ignore it, become resentful and drift apart? If you can’t truly forget about it then I would suggest talking about it before it gets any bigger.

This isn’t just for a submissive, it’s for a dominant or for vanilla … It’s the secret for every relationship. Be sure to communicate respectfully and you will be well on your way.

Love You Sir ❤

 

 

Makeup

So this might not be too high on the D/s scale for most people, probably not so for me either but …. here I sit in front of a table full of makeup that I frankly don’t really know how to use!  😛

I’ve never been one for wearing makeup. Once in a while when I was younger I might decide to put some on to go out or even on the weekend to try and dress up some I suppose. I’m not very comfortable in it and I have never really put it on so strong that most would even notice I was wearing any so I guess it wasn’t worth the effort.

A few years ago when I had decided to try and get your attention again I started wearing it more often, and a bit stronger when we went out for sure. You always said I looked nice but if I asked you what you preferred you defaulted to no makeup or just a very light showing, a natural look. I have no issue with this, I prefer it very natural looking myself. Like I said earlier, most people wouldn’t even know I was wearing any more often then not (and I don’t generally wear any through the week). So why do I have all this makeup in front of me, and why do I feel the need to tell you about it?

Well last night when we went out I had put some on and you were very quick to comment on my ‘night eyes’. I also noticed that you couldn’t get that smirk off your face and dangerous look out of your eyes!   😉

So what I’m thinking is that perhaps you would like to play a little bit of dress up when you are getting ready to play …. Maybe you could add that to some of our play sessions? I think it would be exciting to be showering and prepping and dressing to please you. Putting on some smoky night eyes with the thigh highs and heels for your pleasure! I’m guessing it will further enhance my excitement and anticipation …. what about yours Sir?

Love You Always ❤