If you’re like me, type A personality, in charge of everything, all the time, nothing out of place and nothing left undone … what do you suppose your spouse is going to think when you say ‘hey, want to be my Dominant and take complete control of everything, please?’
Yeah, I thought so! You’re kidding right? Happy or not you have taken control over all aspects of your life, of your relationship, so if you want to give some of it back it’s going to take some time. Most of the change is going to come from you. Most of the change is going to continue to come from you until your spouse realizes that you do in fact want this dynamic, that this really can work, and that they really can do it and enjoy doing it.
I know you’re in a rush to get to the good stuff, the important stuff that you’ve heard about but It’s likely not going to happen as fast as you think it should. Might as well get used to that. It’s not supposed to be about you anyway! (Well it is, but as a submissive no it’s not.)
The reality is that your Dominant is quite used to you doing it all and being in charge of it all yourself; and likely of everyone else. Chances are you have been doing it this way for a long time and no amount of talk is going to change old habits that quickly! The first habits that need to be changed are yours. Surprise! You will find that most things will start with you, at least in the beginning.
If you really want this to work for you then you have a lot of work to do, yes A LOT! My advice would be to start small. No major life change happens all at once and if you force it onto your hopefully soon to be Dominant it will only back fire!
Consider them your management in training, pass over a few of the responsibilities at a time and make your wants and needs with each of them clear. Give them time to focus and perfect these areas before you add more to their plate. In this ‘training period’ you can offer to give suggestions as to what you would have hoped for or what you have read others doing in similar situations. If you really have been in control up to now they will likely welcome the input but be submissive in your wording and stop adding your two cents as soon as they start to act on their own.
Their actions may not be what you had envisioned but if you truly want them to have control then be mindful of following their lead once they start. You may not think so yet but this part will be one of the most difficult and will essentially come down to you trusting that they CAN take control and that they CAN lead you. You might think you trust them to but if you are still thinking ‘what if’ or ‘he/she isn’t going to want’, then you haven’t given them complete trust.
So, your first step will be learning to truly trust your partner to do what needs to be done and for them to build the confidence in themselves to feel comfortable with your trust and with the responsibility of being your Dominant.
And you thought it was all kink and rules on paper! …..
Communication, Honesty and Respect come next and I have written posts on those topics already.
Next Alpha Submissive post will cover physical ways of showing trust and respect to encourage your Dominant.