I ran into some resistance a little while back when I was asking for a definition of what is D/s. Or at least what is it to our group of friends … In order to be able to properly discuss the dynamic and help each other with questions and problems along the way I feel it would be useful to know what exactly it is we are asking each other.
Although everyone’s life is slightly different and everyone’s dynamic is slightly different the core of the D/s dynamic is the same, at least it is in my opinion or we have nothing to pull from in the discussion. Just like snowflakes that originate from a grain of sand in the centre and then branch out and form in a manner that suits them in their time and circumstance so too do our dynamics start from a core set of values and then branch out into our own beautiful forms …
So this is what I consider D/s …
- The honest communication and attentive listening that is required to truly get to know each other and understand each other.
- The desire to please each other and be respectful of each other in thoughts and actions.
- The trust that is built up and unshakable because of the above…
Having these core values allows the submissive to follow the dominant without question or worry because both parties have each others best interests at heart and the dominant has all the information required to lead.
The way your dominant leads is where the snowflake starts to form. The way you follow and how you interact on a daily basis is where your snowflake starts to form, but the core is the same.
If you are honest and communicate well with each other there is no need for arguments and hurt feelings. There is no second guessing or wondering if everything is okay or if you should do more or less etc. Everything is out in the open, everyone gets a fair say and everyone’s feelings and needs are taken into account before the final decision is made on whatever the subject is. Once the decision is made the dominant leads and the submissive follows and you are D/s.
If I hear that your D/s is not well or in need of building up then this is what I think you are referring to. If you mean that you haven’t had enough kink or BDSM lately then that is another conversation all together in my opinion. Some D/s relationships have no kink involved, and some have the kink on the back burner for one reason or another. It doesn’t mean your D/s is lacking or failing. If one of you is still leading and one of you is still following and you are communicating honestly, respectfully and with trust then you are still D/s, your D/s is still flourishing and your snowflake is just as beautiful as everyone else’s.