Bad Timing

It’s Friday again and just like most people we tend to plan more and play more intensely on weekends. The kids normally sleep in and  we try to get most chores done during the week so that we can have the time to play.

Well of course this week in not a ‘good’ one for me, 😦 sometimes we get lucky and it misses the weekend but not this time. The combination of monthly cycle issues and menopause issues can get to be very frustrating at times to say the least! Add to that sore muscles from yard work and all I want to do is sit with a cold pack and my feet up.

So how do you keep things flowing in the direction of D/s when so many things are conspiring against you? My mood tends to drop a bit as well due to my body feeling like crap I’m sure and even I can get a bit impatient. Yes, it’s true, even me …. so what to do?

Well even though I’m sore and you prefer to have me up beside you on the couch you let me sit at your feet last night for quiet time, thank you! I really needed that. You touch my face and look at my eyes and tell me you know I’m feeling awful and as much as you want me what I need to do is sit down and rest! That helps too …. even if we’re not playing at least I know you want to as much as I do.

So I’m going to be on my best behaviour for my patience and I’m going to keep flirting with you, even though it might not work out to much at least the tone is set for later! 😉 *wink wink* I’m still hoping for some contact with you, maybe more like practice since I likely can’t go as long as usual and it won’t feel very good if I try to. The point is to be pleasurable for both of us after all and not telling you the truth will only get me in to trouble for not be honest and have you lose faith in me.

The good news is this is the perfect time to communicate my likes and dislikes during practice play, leaving a perfect opportunity for a full on scene the following week since some planning has already been done! 😀 And it’s also a perfect time to practice REAL submission and dominance because I will bring my mood and aches to you, and tell you how I’m feeling and let you take care of me, and hold me and guide me to what I need to do instead of what I feel guilty about not doing. I will trust you with all of me, not just my kinky parts ….

Just because we might not be playing as much or as in-depth this weekend does not mean we are not still D/s. To the contrary, it means we are more D/s in our trust, honesty, communication and respect for each other. Anyone can have kinky sex it doesn’t make the relationship.

Can’t wait to be in your arms ….. ❤

Collared …. what it means to me.

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So why do I wear a collar? What does it mean to me?

I wear my bracelet 24/7 it never comes off. It is with me every hour of every day where ever I go, that is my permanent collar. What does it mean?

After the work day we have our afternoon collaring routine, it helps re-establish your place at the head of the household. I work from home and I’m very much in control in my job so when you walk into that at the end of the day it can seem a bit difficult for you to switch into ‘BOSS’ mode. It’s a simple set of actions but I think it helps us both get into the right mindset. Seeing a visible collar around my neck I think also serves as a constant reminder to you that I want you in charge. But what does it all really mean to me?

Well aside from all the kinky stuff that everyone automatically assumes, being yours and being collared holds a much deeper meaning to me. It means that you care about me and what I’m doing and how I’m doing. You have taken the time to really listen to me and watch to see if I need something physically, emotionally, anything. It becomes your want to really know me and help me through all of life’s trials and to share in all the happy times.

Now more than ever I find you listen to me, without prejudice, without tuning me out and without thinking I’m trying to prove something or somehow get the better of you (even if you hadn’t realized it before the thought sometimes crept into our conversations). You want to know what I have to say, really know and understand my thoughts and feelings. You put really effort into understanding and you don’t get frustrated or upset because we might be looking at things differently. You are engaged and invested in us.

It also means that you are willing to watch over me and put in whatever work is necessary to make me a better, happier and more fulfilled person. You are holding me accountable for my actions and expecting only the best from me. You’re teaching me the things I have yet to learn and guiding me through the ones that sometimes seem too much to handle alone. You protect me, sometimes even from myself.

It means you are being honest with me. You have agreed to tell me when things are bothering and be honest about what you really want from me. I don’t need to spend time guessing if you are happy or if you would rather be somewhere else, or with someone else. My biggest desire is to please you and now I know I am, no question because it is all within your control.

It also means I have a place to go when I feeling down, or hurt or just not quite right. I don’t feel like I’m bothering you or putting too much pressure on you because you have told me that you want to know. There really is someone out there who cares about me just for being me.

You’re strong and confident, more than capable and caring. You’re my safe place from everything else that might be going on and you truly do want to see me happy and safe. You’re my protector and my hero and you’re the reason I can let go and be safe and free.

So yes I will do whatever you ask, whenever you ask and I’ll do it happily and without hesitation. I will wear your collar with pride and I never want to take it off. For everything you think I do for you, you do so much more for me!

Love You Always! ❤

Can’t get enough

I’m missing you today

I’m missing your hands in my hair and your breath on my neck

I’m missing your voice in my ear

I’m missing you …..

I’m missing the strength in your arms

I’m missing the safe feeling in your presence

I’m missing the look in your eyes

I’m missing the smile on your face

I’m missing you …. I’m missing your dominance.

Can’t wait until you’re home again Sir ❤

Effective communication ….

One of the major components of our D/s relationship is honest and effective communicating of wants and needs on both sides. It would be nice to say there were no issues that needed resolving but that would be unrealistic and false. The only time I have known people in close relationships to have absolutely no issues big or small was when they stopped caring.

As human beings we are bound to have differences of opinions or desires from time to time regardless of how much we care for or want to please each other. So as a submissive how best do you communicate those needs/issues with your Dominant? I do mean how best because it is important that you do! Any Dominant who does not want to hear your true thoughts or feelings on an issue that is bothering you that much probably doesn’t deserve the title. Quite the opposite, I would expect a true dominant to be quite put off and probably somewhat upset to find that you had been withholding feelings of such importance. (But that is another post entirely.)

So how to communicate ….everyone has their strengths and weaknesses but I have found a few key points that have helped me in all relationships to be truthful.

Part 1 – First off I try to identify what I am truly feeling. Is the communication about physical actions or is it more of an emotional situation that is causing the stress?

Is it really something you need changed or is it the way you look at the situation that requires changing? Either way talking about it is definitely going to help but you need to go about it properly.

My first step is to try to write down the thoughts and feelings going through my head so that I can attempt to make some sense of them. Just by putting them down on paper usually helps to start to identify the real issue or if it is even an issue. There is a real connection between writing and your brain/thought process. I would suggest trying it to anyone.

Once your ideas are on paper try going back over them and deciding which ones are actual issues and which were just due to emotional overload. You might be surprised the things you ‘say’ when you are emotionally charged. (You may have to wait a while between writing and ‘editing’.)  Once the issues are identified try your best to figure out why it is you are feeling that way. This requires brutal honesty on your part. Are you putting too much emphasis on something or over thinking something and turning it into a problem? Is it possibly just your perception that is making something an issue and maybe the other person is not at all intending it the way you are taking it? Once you are done with all the ‘editing’ of your list now is the time to talk about it.

Inform your Dominant that you have an issue you need his help with. Let him know that it is important to you and that you require their help and attention. Then patiently wait for them to be ready to talk to you as well. (It is not fair for them to put you off indefinitely but they may need some time to get into a proper mindset.) You may even want to offer them your written thoughts to go through so that they might prepare and digest the information before dealing with you face to face.

Once your conversation starts make sure you phrase everything as calmly and non accusingly as you can. Starting anything on the attack is only going to cause the other person to either shut down or fight back. Neither of those are going to solve your issues so why bother. If you are not ready to be calm and polite then the conversation should wait. Likewise if you find yourself getting too emotional during the conversation you will need to call a time out.  Try to be honest but kind about what you are feeling and do put it in relation to how you feel or felt about something as opposed to saying things like ‘you made or you did’ in your talk.

Once you are done relaying your feelings to your Dominant be prepared to wait and allow them time to process everything you just said. Chances are you have given them a lot of information to think about and if you expect a well thought out and honest response you can not rush them in to it. You’ve just taken the time to get your thoughts in order and edit them into a polite effective way of relaying them to your Dominant, allow them the same courtesy.

Part 2 – If your conversation is more of an fyi and less of an issue that needs resolving then try approaching it in that fashion. Try stepping out of your role and just say it in a more matter of fact tone. I will often approach Sir and say “I have some information I think you need to know. I’m not really sure if you realize it or not and I would just like to be sure. I don’t want to be rude and I am NOT trying to tell you what to do, I just feel I need to get this information to you.”

The response I get back is normally to go ahead and just say it. This approach lets Sir know what my intention is ahead of time and therefore there is no confusion about topping or otherwise. As always phrase things as honestly and politely as possible. Most times it is not what you are trying to say that causes the issues but HOW you are saying it.

Open honest communication is extremely important for both parties to be fulfilled in the relationship but no one ever said you couldn’t do it politely and kindly and still get your point across. Use your manners first and foremost and do not rush the other person. Try and take the approach of fixing a problem and finding a solution instead of an accusing and angry outlook.

You might think you are being nice and polite but take a good hard look at what you first wanted to say… there is always a nicer way to say it.