Being Healthy – Body and Mind

When we enter into this type of D/s  or BDSM relationship we hear the ideas of Safe, Sane and Consensual at every opportunity but what about mind and body health and wellness? Being safe and sane about our bodies health wise and our minds is every bit as important as the rest.

Taking risks with our bodies to lose weight or fit into the kinky outfit now that we’ve started ‘playing’ is not safe and in some instances not sane either. There are a lot of ideas through pictures and porn that would lead you to believe you need to be a certain size or shape to be found sexy! The reality is the sexiest thing about most people is their demeanor, poise and attitude. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself …. put something on that you find flattering and strut your stuff with happy confidence. People will notice, people will want to know your secret!

So now that we have that out of the way lets focus on the real important things in life. Being healthy physically is always a good idea regardless of what type of relationship you are in or even if you are not in a relationship at all. This is something you should be doing for yourself always. Keep things simple in regards to diet and don’t limit yourself to such a degree that you will either be miserable or fail and likely end up doing both. Being well-informed about what you are in fact consuming and making better choices in regards to food and portion size will normally do the trick. Add to that some regular daily activity and most people are well on their way to a healthy life style.

Depending on just where you are health wise you may or may not notice a change in your weight. The most important part here is health, not weight so I would suggest not putting an over amount of emphasis on it anyway. I personally don’t own a scale and never have, it would only serve to put focus on the wrong aspect of what I am trying to accomplish.

Some ways I have found for keeping a healthy weight are:

  • eating more slowly – it takes a while for your body to actually register the amount you have consumed and if you eat too quickly you will have more than what you require
  • drink lots of water – it is not unusual for thirst to be mistaken for hunger (I know right? who knew) so having a glass of water before you decide to go for that snack may actually cause you to eat less because you will realize you are not actually hungry after all
  • pay attention – are you actually still hungry or are you just eating because it is there or you are bored
  • the healthiest way to set up your plate is to divide it into four sections.  lay butter knives in a X on the plate if you need to for help. the sections should be: veggie,  veggie,  protein,  starch,  meat portion should be the size of your palm, and veggies half a cup minimum.  (thank you gp)
  • take care of your emotional well-being – stress eating/or not eating is obviously not healthy and is bound to cause issues if you continue down that path
  • add some sort of exercise to your day, it doesn’t need to be the gym or an all out training session to give you results in your overall health and it won’t be long before you have all sorts of new energy 😉
  • if you choose to workout warm up with fifteen minutes of cardio minimum – this will tell your muscles that it’s time to release negative agents contained within them and warm them up to prevent injury – in addition never skip the cool down, letting your muscles cool down helps them relax and notifies the body to begin the healing process.  (thank you gp)

The more comfortable you become with what you are doing the more you can add to your healthy routine. Just like everything else in life it takes patience and time to get it right and see results. And when you look in the mirror try to pretend it’s someone else you are looking at, are you still quite so critical of what you see?

Interesting ….

Start off on an ‘exploration mission’ and end up laughing our butts off! Hummm ….

 It wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for but it was the best time!

I love being silly with you and sharing your laughter and your smile! Even when things don’t go quite according to ‘plan’!

You’ve turned me into a laughing fool and brought back all my goofy ways that seemed to fade over time. I love that ….

I used to think it was bothersome to you and now you tell me it makes my eyes twinkle …  yours do too by the way! 😀

No Sex!

I don’t write about my sex life and I won’t write about my sex life on this blog. Although some might think that the kinky or rough sex is the basis of a D/s relationship I happen to strongly disagree.

The emotional connection and strength and honesty it takes to carry on with a real D/s relationship is enhanced by a sexual relationship, not based on it. In my opinion at least if you are using sex as the glue holding it together then you are doing it wrong.

You can have great, wonderful kinky rough sex with anyone you choose, it does not mean that you love and care for each other or that you share a bond that won’t be broken.  If you’ve spent all your time trying for the perfect ‘scene’ but still find the day to day interactions to be difficult or unnatural then you are probably focusing on the wrong thing.

If you truly want your relationship to bloom you need to focus on the trust, respect and honesty it takes to communicate and interact with each other at a most basic, primal level. Strip away all the insecurity and shame or pride and prejudice (love the book btw) and truly see each other for who you are and what you need. If you are honest with yourself and your Dominant and He/She is honest with you then you will finally be able to achieve that D/s you were looking for ….

If you think sex is the basis of the relationship you are reading the wrong blog.


Not feeling quite this raw today but still needing you to know:

When we were playing I was feeling great about being there for you and the fact that you decided to start working on what we did was good too, I already said I would try it and I haven’t changed my mind. I just wanted to start by saying that and that I know and feel that you did nothing wrong and everything right!

Afterwards however I had a bunch of emotions going through me and I just knew we weren’t going to have time to deal with them before we fell asleep. Sure enough you were snoring in a heartbeat! 🙂 Again, it was really late and you did nothing wrong but those are the facts and that means I went to sleep with thoughts and feelings that I know are not rational but they are still real and need to be addressed. Well mostly I just went to sleep but they all hit me first thing in the morning…. again. I had tears in my eyes when we were done and perhaps you hadn’t noticed.

I spent the day missing you very much and waiting for you to come home and talk to me and make it all better. I guess I thought it would have been as emotional a connection to you as it was for me, maybe I was just more raw than I thought. I had expected you would be running to the computer to see if I had written about it and what I had to say since it was a new experience and pushing limits that had gone very poorly in the past. We also had no time for discussion about what happened and how it went so that was another reason I thought you would have been looking …. or asking.

You did finally mention it in the evening and I was hopeful that we would finally sit down and you would want to know my feelings, but that did not happen. Then life took over again as I knew it would, I knew we had errands to run and they could not be put off so I was steeling myself once more to wait. Just maybe we could start to talk about it while we were out, perhaps that was why you were adamant about me going with you…

In any case I spent the day trying to deal with feeling slutty and not very lady like. Certainly not like a respectable professional mother of two… I don’t feel like I got the reassurance from you that I was okay and nothing was wrong and that as a matter of fact everything was very right and I pleased you very much and that was all that mattered. That you still respected me and looked up to me for my self and my values and I had nothing to be ashamed about.

In one way or another you help me get rid of these feelings of shame and anger with myself and then I grow and get stronger and closer to you …. but I am missing that right now.

Neither of us was well enough to even focus on the errands we were running and by the time we got home it was amazing we did what we needed to in order to prepare for today. By the time you read my words your mind was already fried and frankly so was mine and so here I sit, writing this out and waiting for your help ……

Love You!


I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now. Last night was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and although we tried I don’t think I had time to focus and resolve all the thoughts running through my head, and heart.

It was really late and we were both really tired so we ended up falling asleep before I had a chance to register everything going on inside. So today I’m confused …. I’m not sure what I’m feeling but I know I need you. Please help Sir …..

That was new, extremely intimate to me and I felt extremely close and connected to you, and now I feel lost without you.


I’ve been talking a lot lately to people all over the world and the one common thread is how many of us have demons in our past that we just can’t shake. Everyone has ways of dealing with them, or so they say …. In my opinion dealing with them usually means hiding from the truth or pushing it deep down where you think no one can see it and it can’t reach you. My experience has been that that way of dealing really just doesn’t work.

In order to truly be over whatever it is that is weighing you down in life you need to first face it, head on. It likely won’t be easy and it won’t be pleasant but it will be worth it in the end. You need to start this journey just like any other you actually wish to conquer, with being really honest with yourself.

Many times I have heard people tell me that they have dealt with issues and everything is fine but one hint of that person or topic spins you into a tempest of emotions that dictate your entire day, or worse. Is that really dealt with then?

I have found that looking at situations in a realistic fashion is difficult when you are emotionally involved but necessary if you really want to get on with it and get over it. Like everything else I do, write it down, just the facts and then look at what you really have. I am a strong believer that NO ONE can make you do or feel anything. The choice is yours.

I know people can be cruel, believe me I do but how you choose to react to the situation is up to you. Are you going to allow them to make you crazy over whatever words it is that they have chosen to throw at you? Is it really worth your mood or your day? If you allow yourself to feel this over and over then you will eventually lose parts of yourself all over someone who doesn’t deserve your time in the first place.

Make a choice, don’t give them more power over you then they deserve. Hard limits for all relationships. If they can’t respect you and speak to you in a tone that you can handle then perhaps you should just stop listening.

All your old baggage you need to deal with, really deal with and make peace with it. Was it really worth all your stress and heart ache? Is it something you can forgive or just something you need to put into the past and walk away from? What has it taken from you? Trust, self-confidence, self-respect, your ability to be truly open and honest in your relationship? If you are still holding on to thoughts and emotions and holding back from your dominant then it certainly has ….

My advice would be to identify what it has taken from you and start taking steps in fixing those parts of you. You can’t change other people and some of them might not ever stop but if you fix what it has done to you, you will find that what they say no longer matters.

Give your self the right to feel, the right to fix what you feel and the right to take your life back.

My rant for today 🙂