For me the sex, kink and BDSM are the by-products, they are not the driving force behind a long term or married D/s or M/s relationship. In order to remain submissive while you’re grocery shopping or vacuuming the house it can’t all revolve around your sex life. Let’s face it, most of us receive no sexual gratification from dusting the living room! This one is for you her subject, always making me think! 😉
The true sexual aspect of D/s relationships is that both parties are open and honest enough to trust each other with their wants and needs in the bedroom. You trust that your partner is communicating with you in order for you to best please them and you as well communicate with your partner in order for them to please you. There is no hiding, no worry that the other will be upset or take it the wrong way, there is just honesty and trust. (Your needs may have nothing kinky to them, that does not make you less D/s it just makes you not kinky.)
The work involved in remaining submissive in the rest of your day to day activities is where the weekend warrior varies from the married submissive (and dominant). Putting your best foot forward for a short period of time is one thing, staying that way 24/7 is another all together. What keeps you in the right mindset when your dominant is not around or when there is nothing overtly submissive/dominant going on?
For me it’s a simple concept really although the execution does take some time to figure out. Stop putting yourself first. Simple. Stop thinking you should have had this, or should have had that. He/She is supposed to put more time into you and your needs, your wants, etc. etc. What have you done just for the sake of pleasing them, with no expectations attached? It’s like giving a gift and expecting to get one back, bad motivation. You should do it because you want to, because it makes you feel good and nothing is expected in return. If you truly do not have expectations there is no let down.
Secondly make the most of what you do have. Be thankful for the time you get, the play you get, the kind words that come your way. Focus on what you do have instead of what you didn’t get. Life in general will be much more gratifying if you choose this way of being. Find the positive in all situations no matter what they are. Maybe you need to be creative to find a few minutes with your dominant and when you do enjoy it! If you spend the whole time fretting about the fact that it’s not long enough then you have just completely missed an opportunity to connect.
Thirdly be respectful, kind and patient. You should strive to be this way always in my opinion. We often jump to conclusions about what motivates others to speak and act in a certain way but you don’t know. Maybe they have had a bad experience that they are trying to deal with. Perhaps they are not on their best behaviour but does that make it okay for you to do the same? At the end of the day there is only one person you can control and one person that can truly control you! Look in the mirror, are you happy with who you see?
I can only speak from my own experience here but I can assure you that regardless of the amount of kinky or non-kinky sex, time spent together or time spent apart, overtly dominant showings or none at all; I always feel a connection with my dominant, I always feel like I am doing my job as a submissive and I always feel like I belong to him. I am being the best person I can be and He can be proud of me and proud to have me. So I walk around with a smile on my face and a song to sing …. and none of it is dependent on kinky sex. 🙂
Love You Always Sir ❤