Following your lead ….

Well depending on who you listen to you might have heard that your DOM needs to (or will) have a set of rules and regulations for you to follow. In many cases I’m sure that’s true. Some may even have page upon page of rules and particulars that they want fulfilled. So what if yours is just not the writing out rules kind of guy or gal?

Does the fact that your DOM doesn’t require you to follow a large list of rules make him/her less dominant? Does it mean perhaps that they don’t want to be in control after all?  Does it mean that they are really just not that invested in having this whole dynamic after all? Well I think that could be a possibility but it’s not necessarily the only reason.

A dominant is just a person after all (although you are so much more Sir! LOL) and just like other people they each have their own personalities and needs. Why wouldn’t they? Maybe you have someone who is very much invested in this dynamic but they are simply not the rules and lists kind of person. Perhaps their needs are on a much broader spectrum then one could write out on paper? Maybe it’s more a general over all feeling of respect and kindness that they are searching for as opposed to a bunch of physical actions.

I personally don’t have a large list of rules and regulations set out to be followed each and everyday. Most of the rules are for play or kink and certainly not the basis of this wonderful dynamic. The previous post has given some insight to the things I do for Sir but most of those were/are either self-imposed or mentioned by me in hopes to further our feeling of DOM and sub. Sir always has been of very few words. I guess he subscribes to the idea that actions speak louder than words and if you truly do love and respect someone you don’t need rules on paper to know how to behave.

If you want to find out what simply makes them happy then just pay attention. I’m pretty sure a smile or look of contentment will give you all the information you need to know that whatever you did was good and you should probably keep doing it. If you would like more input from them then ask. When I started this blog I asked Sir if he would like me to journal this way. I explained to him why I thought he would enjoy it more than what we were doing and then I waited for him to give me an answer. Obviously he decided to try it and has since decided this is the way he wants it done. So what if the idea was mine, the decision was his.

Just because you had an expectation of how your DOM should act does not mean that he/she will. If you want them to lead then they will lead THEIR WAY not yours. If you would like to do more for them, then do it! If it’s something you’re not sure of then ask permission. Any way they chose to lead is up to them ….. if you truly want to give over all control, then stop trying to take it back.

Set your expectations aside, communicate your needs respectfully and follow your heart.

Love You Sir ❤

2 thoughts on “Following your lead ….

  1. Reblogged this on toraprincess and commented:
    Asked and answered. Thanks nij! 🙂
    I pick everyone’s brain on this because Daddy is not the type for a list of rules. He doesn’t have absolute strong opinions on everything. There are a lot of things that just don’t matter to him. Not that he doesn’t care but he just has no preference.

    He has HIS routines but he doesn’t expect anyone else to follow them. He isn’t in to micromanaging or detailed planning ahead for things he doesn’t think requires it. A night out or a vacation he would be perfectly content to just go and see where he ends up. I’m the one that is thinking far ahead. I’m the one researching and creating excel spreadsheets as to what we are going to do and on what days. I am the list maker. I want to cover all bases so we don’t have to make extra trips or detours. I will have you know that the camping one from last year needed very little tweaking this year. 😉

    So I am still forcing this need to know where we will end up and he is content on just seeing where this will take us. I know I need to lay that down.

    As far as rules, routines, protocols I will ask for what I need to feel I am in my role and feel that control over me because I desire it. Most likely he will grant it because he wants me to be happy and he has no preference. So be it. If it works for us what does it matter.


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