I’ve been thinking recently about how the D/s dynamic works and what about it exactly makes it so appealing to us? The kinky play is certainly a huge turn on but that can be had with or without D/s. So what is it ……what is the real need that it fulfills?
In one of my earlier posts I wrote about the closeness that allows you to not feel alone and to feel valued and loved. So besides kinky sex how do we get that closeness? Well for must of us I think that need is filled in part by the rules and expectations set out by our Sirs. Having rules for most of us means that our Sirs are watching! They are paying attention, they are trying to make us better people and they care enough to put in the time and energy that it requires.
So how do our Sirs come up with these rules in the first place? How do they know all our deep dark secrets and needs? Do they first need to take a course in mind reading? Of course not ….
Unless your Sir is exceptional at reading people or has been doing this for a very long time I think they will likely need some help from the submissive in order to set them up. Being honest with yourself and your Sir about what you need and what you want is extremely important here if you want this dynamic to work! Write up the rules as you think they should be and then present them to your Sir. Ask for opinions and guidance on what you have written and then allow him to take them and tweak them and make them his own!
I think that if you are very open and very honest about what you need and what you want there might not even be much tweaking going on. After all no one knows us better then we know ourselves ….. I don’t believe this is in any way topping or taking control because the ultimate goal is to help your Sir help you! Besides, Sir has the last say … He might decide to start with all the rules you have written out, or only some, or maybe none at all and tell you to redo them because he doesn’t feel they are valid!
In my humble opinion, once Sir starts with some rules (whether started by us or himself) he will more easily start to recognize what we need and what will work. Sir then will begin to make up his own rules and expectations as time goes by. And then he will take the reins ….. right Sir? 🙂